I had planned to be the photographer for my friends and help them save some money, as they had done so many things to help me out in the past, that was to be our wedding gift to them. Alas, when we woke up on Sat., May 8th, I could not sit up. My entire mid-section was in severe pain. I thought I had a kidney infection it hurt so badly. Mike went to get some cranberry juice for me and I could not even get it down. This could not happen today! I had to be at that wedding!!!
We went to the UofM Emergency Room, and underwent hours of testing and scans, sadly; missing the wedding of my lifelong friend... I contacted her wedding planner only by voicemail, to let her know why I was not there. But still felt badly that I was not present to help document this wonderful event. Around 5pm, the doctor came into the cubicle we were in, and informed us that there were several lesions found across my pelvic bones on the CT Scan, and that I need to follow up with my Oncologist. THIS was not the news we expected at all. I knew that having had breast cancer - Stage 1 10 years prior that this was not good. This meant Stage IV. It had spread to areas outside of the primary site.
I suppose I should be happy that I have survived FIVE years with this new diagnosis of STAGE IV, but the unknown brings fear and anxiety to those of us that KNOW we will eventually die as a result of our illness, and that every day we are blessed to be here, brings a chance of more pain, more not being able to do the things we USE to be able to do, and another day of not being able to be able to go out and play with our grandchildren that are so full of energy though we love them with all the fiber of our being.
My wish, for Mother's day this year and any that I have left, is to be able to celebrate life with My Daughter and her children, my grandchildren. To be celebrated as her mother, and to celebrate her as a mother, together. Making special memories that they will always keep in their hearts, for many years to come. For 44 years, to celebrate with my own mother, I've had to visit the cemetery, and not be able to hold my mother, only telling a slab of bronze and marble how much I still love her.
I am not writing this for sympathy, but simply because I have to get this off my chest, and can't hold it in any longer. This weekend is full of joy for so many, but without being able to be with my own child & grands, it is the saddest weekend of the year for me. If YOUR mother is in ill health, regardless how busy your own life may be, PLEASE be sure to celebrate HER while you have the opportunity... trust me, the memories of not being there with her will haunt you if you do not. Living with what if and I should have's will only tear you apart in the end.
THE above post was shared on my personal Facebook page on May 8th.
The FIVE year anniversary of my metastasis being discovered.
I am happy to report, that I spent Mother's Day, sitting on the beach with my feet in the sand, enjoying the company of my daughter and her family, while hubby played in the water with his metal detector. It was peaceful and filled with many memories. I was able to reflect on the prior years, and felt so blessed to be HERE to celebrate with my family and loved ones. I am so thankful to the doctors and scientists and even engineers as I've come to learn they also have a role in finding the cure or treatment for those of us living with this disease. Life will continue to go on. We continue to lose loved ones, learn of new ones diagnosed with some form of cancer or illness, and the sun will rise and fall each day.
I have since celebrated Memorial Day, reflecting again on those that we have lost - not only to war, but to illness, accidents, and other such events. I know that one day it will be my turn. I continue to live presently, and will continue to make my mark on this world. I CAN say that I have participated in and helped to SET a GUINNESS WORLD RECORD. I Made a difference in how people talk about and learn about Awareness of the very disease that I am fighting; by raising such awareness and funding for research in conjunction with METAvivor. And I will continue to leave my mark on this world!
I WILL NOT LET CANCER WIN!